As a child, growing up in a single parent home, I watched the women in my life struggle with issues of low self-esteem and lack of self-worth. I witnessed how this manifested into relationships where they served their partner’s needs, but never asked whether their own needs were being met. They were taught that “it’s better to give than receive” so they never learned how to ask for what they needed from their partners, instead there were unspoken expectations, a feeling of disconnection, and a growing resentment.
As an adult, I have come to realize that we teach people how they should treat us, and that the person who needs to be the expert on how to love us, is ourselves. If we never bother to figure out how we want to be loved, how could we ever possibly expect someone else to know how to do it? How would we begin asking for something we don’t yet have words to express? In my practice, I help clients to identify the problematic thought patterns that are undermining their ability to set boundaries and express their desires. We work towards building a more enduring sense of self-worth that is founded on a belief that a person’s boundaries and desires are integral to building self-esteem.